It is kind of a double-standard how some men assume women cannot take higher roles in politics, etc. because they think their emotions will cloud their judgement. Yet, ironically, it is the women that they speak to when it comes to protecting themselves against possible rape, sexual harassment, etc. situations. If women cannot make sound decisions because of their “overpowering” emotions, then why is it up to the women to control rape scenarios that are out of their control? Why must the woman dress “appropriately” in order to not call attention to herself? Why must the woman not walk alone at night? Who talks to the men and tells them not to rape people? Aren’t men supposed to be the ones in control of their emotions? So technically, if a man is in power, but a seductress woman interacts with him, then he should okay because he’s in control of himself. Emotions and sexual arousal are natural. Women aren’t as emotion-driven as we are made out to be. And human-beings aren’t savages and should be able to control themselves around sexually stimulating scenarios. I am not trying to sound like a feminist or anything, I just realized this blatant double-standard.
Yes and No are the two most powerful words in your life. They are what brought you to where you are today. It can be from something as mundane as deciding which soup to buy at Panera Bread to deciding whether or not to marry your lover. Yes and No can either take you down one path, or keep you on your current one. Choose wisely my friends.
In a month, it’ll be a year since I graduated college. A lot has happened around me in that year.
I finally got a car! It’s an 05 Honda Accord with 197k miles. But in Honda terms, that’s about 30k miles. Driving was incredibly scary and nerve-wracking at first, but I am getting used to it and it’s like second nature-ish now. I also have a job! It’s a paid internship… but I’m learning a lot and I’m enjoying it! I’ve been exercising regularly and consistently for the first time in my life. I feel like I have gotten to the point where I can’t just stop exercising. When I skip a day or two, I get really sad and upset with myself. I want to look a certain way by the time my birthday comes around in August.
My cousin died in a car accident Christmas morning. He was the same age as me, 22. This is the reason why I’ve been very unrelaxed while driving. That’s when it dawned on me that I really don’t have all the time in the world and that I need to figure what the fuck it is that I want to do with my life.
I knew my cousin my whole life; we grew up together in a way. He was the definition of a hobbyist. Was always busy, never bored. He always found things to do in a city that everyone felt there was nothing. Unfortunately we weren’t that close, mainly due to our genders. Sadly enough, it wasn’t until he passed that I realized (through his friends) that we were very similar. It almost feels like I missed out on a potentially great friend…. :(
On a more happier note, my older sister and her husband adopted a beautiful 3 year old girl, and gave birth to another beautiful girl. My sister had two miscarriages due to having an incompetent cervix. The only way to know if you have an incompetent cervix is if your deliver your baby extremely prematurely. After my sister lost their second child even with a cerclage (Google that shit, I don’t feel like explaining what it is), she lost all hope in having a child. Her husband (man of the fucking century), went on an internet forum pretending to be a woman and found out about a doctor in Chicago who specializes in trans-abdominal cerclages. Unbeknownst to any of us (and there’s 7 of us in total), she and her husband fly out to Chicago and have the surgery done. She gets pregnant, and the baby reaches full term. When did my siblings and I find out that she was pregnant? When she was 8 months. Only two months after my cousin passed…
Holy fucking shit! The roller-coaster of emotions I have been on these past few months have been exhausting..! The other night, I broke down crying in front of my mom. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I was happy. I was sad. I was frustrated. I was relieved. I was confused. I was hopeful. I was hopeless. I was scared. I was unsure. All of these emotions were running through me and all I could do was cry. I needed to let go. I needed to let go what was building up inside me for so many months. Our family has endured so much for what seemed like eons and I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I cried.
As of right now, I’m trying to find realize my goals. Every waking moment I try to invest into achieving the goals I set out for myself. Some my seem unrealistic, but I’ll make them happen. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.
After coming home from work today, I was about to change into some lounge-wear until I realized I didn’t work out yesterday. Frustrated with this realization, I started jumping up and down. It was then it dawned on me that I am in no way ready to have children or get married… for I am a child myself.